Friday

Why we hate the Twins...



As much as RC wishes the Royals could be like the Twins, there might not be a team in baseball that we hate more. For instance:

-We hate that catcher Joe Mauer is probably the most arrogant-looking player we’ve ever seen.

-We hate the way Ron Gardenhire looks when he sits in the dugout.

-We hate how their fans invade Kauffman Stadium whenever the Twins come to KC.

-We hate that garbage pit the Twins play in. The place has a white ceiling, for Christ’s sake! Who the hell puts baseball in a facility with a white ceiling?

-We hate that the garbage pit the Twins play in is named after Hubert H. Humphrey.

-We hate how whenever someone pitches Jacque Jones or Torii Hunter inside, they stare down the pitcher and act all bad.

-We hate that Hunter spells his first name with two 'i's.

-We hate the movie Little Big League.

-We hate how Lew Ford gets more cheap hits than Ken Harvey and Angel Berroa combined.

-We hate how Twins fans chant "Leeeeew" whenever Ford gets one of his bloop singles. In fact, this might be one of the biggest reasons we hate the Twins.

-We hate that half the runs the Twins score are softer than a goose down pillow.

-We hate that their second baseman’s last name is Punto. What kind of name is that?

-We hate them for creating Christian Guzman, even though he’s now annoying RC in Washington, rather than Minnesota.

-We hate the “Circle me, Bert” signs that Twins fans hold up at games, desperately hoping that Twins announcer Bert Blyleven will give meaning to their pathetic lives by drawing a circle around them on the Twins broadcast. Next time we go to a Twins/Royals game, we'll be wearing this:



-We hate Bert Blyleven.

-We hate that Kirby Puckett, who we actually liked during his playing days, really let us down with his conduct off the field. Yes, we know he was acquitted, but come on…

That’s a pretty exhaustive list. Of course, as much as we hate the Twins, we might hate the White Sox even more. Sorry about the rant, but sometimes RC just has to let loose.

11 Comments:

At 7/08/2005 11:53 PM, Blogger Kevin said...

Now THAT'S comedy! Effing priceless with the t-shirt, Dave.

 
At 7/09/2005 12:33 AM, Blogger Dave said...

Haha. I wish I could take all credit, but the idea was actually my buddy Ray's.

However, if you like the T-shirt, it has been added to the Official RC Store. Check it out.

 
At 7/09/2005 12:51 PM, Anonymous Sandy said...

Dave,

I'm with you re: the Twins. Agree with all on your list - but you forgot to include how they underline the "win" in "Twins" on their logo. That also drives me nuts.

In regards to the equally annoying White Sox: I dread any time we're forced to watch the Sox feed on MLB Extra Innings - I can't tolerate the broadcasters' total homer commentary, let alone anything "Hawk" Harrelson has to say.

SA in MD - Royal blue from birth

 
At 7/09/2005 5:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can't believe you forgot to mention the "Homer Hankies". Hate them.

 
At 7/09/2005 6:07 PM, Blogger Dave said...

You know, last night I woke up in the middle of the night pissed off at myself for forgetting to include the Homer Hankies. Right you are, sir. The Homer Hankies are a GREAT reason to hate the Twins.

 
At 7/11/2005 10:19 AM, Blogger Mik Gusenius said...

This was the greatest post of all time. I live in Minnesota and have to put up with this junk all summer long. The thing I hate most about the Twins, though, is their fans' reaction to any pickoff attempt. A chorus of booooos follows any throw to first. My section usually shuts up after I boo the Twins' pickoffs. It's rather childish, but it works.

Mik in MN

 
At 5/09/2006 10:30 PM, Blogger frightwig said...

It's sad that a Royals fan would have to resort to this, when your hatred should be more properly directed at Allard Baird and the Glass ownership. Or maybe this is what you must do to cover up the self-loathing you feel for dedicating so much time and money towards supporting such a sorry operation?

 
At 5/09/2006 11:51 PM, Blogger NY-Brian said...

Wow. Hating on Kirby?

That's a total lack of class, right there.

Meh. Your team is worse than most AAA teams.

Sour grapes.

 
At 5/10/2006 1:47 AM, Blogger Dave said...

You guys need to chill out. Note the date -- this was written nearly a year ago, many months before Kirby checked out.

We don't hate the Twins any less, of course, but they're not exactly the class of the league anymore either, are they?

 
At 5/10/2006 1:48 AM, Anonymous AustinGAC said...

Mik!?!?!

I had no idea! I'm not sure we can be friends anymore... I love the Twins wayyy too much!

ps: random!

 
At 5/29/2007 1:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This freaking rocks. I hate the Twins more than any franchise in any sport. Circle this, Twinkies!

 

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